Despite a lot of work waiting for me, I feel like writing something after having a lunch with a postdoc in my program today. I've known her for more than one year. She is a very smart, hard-working, deep-down, and wise person. She used to tell me that she always helps me at her best. However, today is my first time to actually hang out with her and have a serious talk about my future.
It has been a long time I could talk with a friend about a lot of things in life and future. The last time I had such feeling is when I spent 4 or 5 hours talking with one of my best friends in Seattle. We were so into our conversation that I missed the flight back to Houston. Also, it was due to that we had not seen each other for almost 5 years since my friend left Vietnam. That night, we talked a lot about our old days, my boyfriend, his ex-girlfriend and shared with each other about future plan, our lives, and values of the life we should respect. I was so happy that my friend is still the same after 5 years. He is still the same guy that I met in the English group 6 years ago though we did not talk to each other much since we went to the states.
Today, my conversation with the postdoc was around those topics but the situation was a little bit different. I've been concerned with my thoughts about future and career a lot. I'm struggling to define my career path. I'm a little bit ambitious person. Whenever I do anything, I really want to make it really good. I'm barely satisfied if I think that I can make it better. It is so true when it goes to research. Since my dad is a very good scientist, I really want to be a good scientist like him in future. Sometimes, I'm a little bit afraid that one day I might focus on research so much that I will forget other important things of my life. I feel more scared with this scenery when i think of female faculty in my school. They are successful, beautiful, nice, kind, and sweet but many are divorced. Dont get me wrong, I know that divorce is not something terrible. If two people don't love each other and they feel like suffering from living with each other, divorce is a better way to go. It is a solution to release them from each other and their children too. I have some friends friends who had to witness numerous fights between their parents during their childhood and they still feel really painful and mentally hurtful till now when things are over. They told me that they wish their parents could get divorced earlier so they could stop witnessing those fights. I know that it is not easy for them say that thing but once they said it, it means that everything used to go over their tolerance. Therefore, If one day I get married and have kids, I really want to give them the best environment to grow up. I really want them to grow up in a happy family with a lot of laughs. However, doing something is never as easy as saying it. Developing a theory is always easier than practicing it. In particular, with my passion for my career and a bunch of different hobbies, I know that it is harder for me. I don't want to be a successful woman with a messy life. I want to be a successful woman with a happy life. Also, I dont want to let life take my other hobbies away. However, what choices I have to make to obtain my dream is an unsolved question for me.
However, after the talk with my friend today, I feel released from all my thoughts. She gave me a lot of good advice how to balance life. She reminded me of values we should respect in our life and what truly makes us happy from the bottom of our heart. She told me that whenever I'm stressed, image one day when we are 80 years old and look back to our life, what makes us most regretful and happiest. Then I can find my answer to what I'm doing. She also shared with me a lot of her thoughts about life and advice she got from other faculty in the school. Her sharing is extremely valuable and it makes me feel so much better and more confident with each of my steps to the future:)
PS: Yesterday, Diane's message again reminds me of treasures I'm having in my life and how lucky I'm compared to victims of Sept 9. This lady is always my role model for how she balances her life and how she lives in her life. Whenever I want to loose myself in life, thinking of what she is doing is like having a massage for my brain. Life is great when I have wonderful friends around who help me grow up each day.
