A couple of months ago, my mom informed me of the death of my dog. I almost busted out with tears immediately. Mom said that my dog actually passed away more than 10 days ago but my dad did not want to let me know. Because I kept asking her about the dog, she eventually told me about the bad news. I got the dog since I was at the 9th grade. We almost grew up together. He was such a convenient dog. He normally ignored me whenever mom/dad was at home. It was due to that though its my dog, mom and dad were the people who took care of him. I mainly just played around with him. However, whenever my parents were out of town, he suddenly became very close to me. He followed each of my steps in my house. Also, he followed me whenever I let him sleep on my bed. My mom did not want him to sleep on the bed because she did not want to see his fur falling into the bed. However, he somehow always sneakily jumped up on my bed and laid down there whenever he did not see my mom around. Of course, I always became his accomplice. I think mom knew it eventually but she still let us do it. Because she knew that though she kept telling us not to do it, we could find some ways to do it behind her back. I remembered the old days when I was very sad but I did not know who I should talk with. I ended up holding my dog on my lap and started talking and crying with him. He sat there quietly. I did not know if he could understand me. However, he was there when I wanted to talk with him. And there are a lot of memories we had together.
since I've left Vietnam, whenever I called my parents, mom always put the phone to his hear so I could say, "Hi" to him. Whenever I visited home, he always excitingly ran into me and licked my hands or face. Everything was ok until my trip back to Vietnam in December. He became much more skinny and one of his legs was very weak. He used to climb up from the 1st to 3nd floor in my house. However, by that time, my dad sometimes had to pick him up because of his weak leg. He also became hostile to other people. He still ran into me when he first saw me but afterwards, he barely let me be close to him. Mom told me that he did the same thing to everyone. He did not like anyone touching him. He also got some problems with his digestion system so he did not eat very well and he could ask for a walk at 4a.m. My heart was breaking down when I saw him getting weak. But he still did well. He was just a little bit weaker than before. On the day I left Vietnam to come back to American, I said goodbye to him. I wanted to hold him before I left but he only stood far away and looked at me. he did not let me come close to him. I did not recognize that it was the last time I could say goodbye to him. just one month after he left, my dad told me that he was very sick and Mom said that she was afraid that he could not wait for me till I come back. and one month later, he passed away though my parents tried their best to cure him. Even now, I still could not believe that I wont see him running into me when I come back Vietnam next time. He left me after we spent 15 years together. My tears are running when i'm writing those words. Do you think everyone/everything waits for us until the rest of our life. hell, no. its just an illusion. I wish that I could have spent more time with my dog during my last trip. I thought he would be there when I come back next time. But I'm completely wrong. Now, even if I wanted to spend time with him, I don't have a chance to do it. Life does not always happen as how we want it to be.
When I spoke with my Dad on Monday, he told me that my uncle just passed away few days ago. I could not believe in my ears and in his words. He was still healthy. I dont remember exactly his age but he is around 55 years old. He is a very good guy and I still remember his voice and tone whenever he spoke with me. He got a heart attack while he was in the hospital but I dont think the stupid hospital gave him an intermediate treatment. I called my auntie and she told me she couldnt believe in what just happened either. She said that my uncle talked a lot to everyone and he did not look weak at all few minutes before he passed away. He even smiled to people there. I do not understand fully what exactly happened because i dont know if its appropriate to ask my auntie while she was very painful for her loss. I did not know what I should tell her. I just suck at it. I know that I should have said some condolence words but I did not say anything. I just couldnt believe that just happened. It was too fast. During my trip back to Vietnam in December, i was thinking of visiting them but then I was busy with other stuff so I did not do it. I told me dad that I will do it next year when i'm back. But now he's gone forever. I wish that I could have done it. However not all wishes became truth. Now I'm writing with my tears and regret.
Life is short. We tend to think that everything lasts forever. We put off other things aside and think that we have another year to do it. We do not say to people who we love that how much we love them. We do not pay enough attention to our beloved people because we assume that we can do it later. but nothing waits for us. People sometimes say "time is money". However,we can borrow money but not time.
My grandmother passed away three years ago when I was in Atlanta. I did not have a chance to see her before she died. I never told her that how meaningful she is to me. I never told her that thanks to her, I have a wonderful dad. I never did it though I know that she knew it. However, I do believe that some words are always worth of being said. Also, sometimes, we worry too much about the trivial and forget precious things we have in our life. We are busy buying clothes or chatting nonsense with other people to the neglect of care for people we love.
We keep complaining our own stuff is while forgetting asking how life of our people is.
We keep complaining how terrible our life is while forgetting that we are always happier than other people in society.
We complain about how much homework we have while forgetting that at least we have a chance to go to the school and to pursue our dream.
We complain that our life is miserable while forgetting we are beloved by many people around.
Today, I got an email from a girl in Singapore who wants to ask me about her choice and application of the public health schools in America. She does not know what she wants to study. Some people advise her to choose the department that she can find a job easily after she graduates. Additionally, some Vietnamese PhD students in American tell her to study the field from where she can earn money later. I do not know if those people ask her a very simple question, " What is your passion for and what do you want to do in future", before they gave her any advice. Money is important but what does money mean if we do not enjoy what we are doing. We fear taking a risk. We fear being poor. We fear being jobless. We fear and we fear. But we have only one life to live. I always believe that if we follow what we want to do and find an right strategy to do it, we can do it. There is always a path for us to go in this life
We dont know what happens tomorrow. We dont know how long we can live. We make a dream and leave our dream there because we seems to think that we can do it tomorrow or next week or next month or next year. But what happens if tomorrow never comes. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow. If life is a torch, burn the torch strongly by all your energy.
Its my first post in my blog and its also a reminder of me about what I'm having and what I need to treasure in my life
